11/20/2012
mom chat // are you jealous of your partner?
Bee has a super strong bond with my husband, which is so incredible to watch. Except sometimes, I feel a tiny bit jealous inside. (Bee’s first smile was directed at Ken, which simultaneously melted my heart and sent a ping of sadness to my head!) Suddenly, I find my mind reeling with all of the things she’ll prefer to do with my husband, rather than me.
Ken’s just… funner. He’s a big fan of impromptu dates and new adventures – and he always, always tells the best jokes. On the other hand, I’m a stickler for schedules, routines and rules. Naturally, I sometimes worry that she’ll enjoy his company more than mine (it’s inevitable, right?). So tell me, friends – have you been there? Are you envious of your partner because of the bond they share with your child? And how do you handle it?
I’d love to hear your stories (and this is a fascinating article about Mom vs. Dad jealousy!).
Photo Credit // Woodnote Photography
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I anticipate this kind of relationship with our daughter (ETA January 2013). My husband is also the “fun one” as I like to say. He is spontaneous and unpredictable and I can see our kids gravitating towards him cause lets face it, mom is uptight
But I LOOOOVE this father/child relationship. I feel so blessed to be giving my kids both a mother and father and I hope that my daughters self esteem reflects her wonderful relationship with her daddy.
I have a feeling that Dru will be the “fun” one when she gets older, but right now we are pretty equal with me having a bit of an upper hand because I am the keeper of the boobs
Hahahaha I love that!
But OF COURSE. When C was little (up to when he turned two) he generally preferred Meir’ company, and of course I was jealous (hey, who carried you more than 9 months and then had the mother of all painful labors?!) but it also allowed me to go to NYC for 10 days when he was 11 months old without feeling too bad…Then, somehow it just changed. Now he’s six and we each have those special activities that we do together or jokes that are “ours”. For example, I read with him – and we just started reading all my favorite books as a kid (like Roald Dahl’s BFG and the Moomins) and it’s been magical (magical!) and Meir takes him biking, which is something I don’t do. It takes a bit work to find those special thinks and then to establish them, but it’s oh so rewarding.
OMG I looooved BFG! And you’re right – it’s about finding your own “thing” to enjoy together – whatever it may be! Excited to find out what ours will be.
There is just something between fathers and daughters and you’ll grow into it. Bee will look to you as an example and will have a bond with you that is so deep that sometimes you might forget it’s even there when you see your husband winning her over as the fun one. But trust me when she really needs the important stuff, it’s you that she’ll run to. And how amazing is it that she’ll grow up with an amazing male figure in her life?! Embrace it!
@Kelly – You’re so right! I love that Ken is so very involved in her life. What a lucky family we are.
my husband is the fun one, too, and both of my kids seemed to have a stronger bond with him as toddlers. things like they’d fall down and be the only little kid EVER to cry ‘daddy!’ instead of ‘mommy!’ it did sting sometimes, however it has seemed to lessen as they got a little older. my daughter is a fickle three-year-old and will want me to read her stories one night, and daddy the next. my son is five and worships his dad, but opens up more with me when we’re alone. i often reminded myself during that tough stage that without a doubt, things would change as they get older. my husband might me more fun, but i’m definitely stronger on the emotional side. there are many seasons to motherhood, and i firmly believe we all have our best ones – like i can totally see our kids looking to me a bit more in their teenage years. in the meantime, i like to try to find special things that we can do together, like baking, that my husband isn’t crazy about, and take them on special mommy/kid dates just the two of us. hang in there, it only gets better.
@Kim – I love that you bake with your kids! I’m not a baker, but am excited to learn because I think it would be such a great family activity on a rainy Saturday.
Funny I should read this today! My baby is so smiley and 99% of her giggles are directed at her papa. He can make her laugh like no other and I love to hear it but yeah, it does make me a teeny bit jealous
@Josie – Isn’t it funny?!
I think about this a lot! Danny is like the most fun guy ever. He captures kids’ attention like I’ve never seen before. So I am certain our kids will be very drawn to him, which will be amazing. But I’ll have to find my way and see if I can bond with the kids in my own way.
@Mara – I have a Danny, too. But isn’t that why we picked them?!
OMG, that photo is ADORABLE!!! I can’t wait to get over there when she’s awake! So cute!
I say, let him have that. Let him be the “fun” one. I am able to spend so much more time with the girls than Cory, so I let him have that. When Bee really needs something who does she want…you! Because let’s face it, you are her favorite person right now.
@Shawna – Ha, yes! Nursing is great for that.
YES! It happened with my daughter (our first) so i was determined to not let it happen with our son (our second) and it is worse this time. I need to just let go of the jealousy and know that each parent is different and each child is different. Jealously is u-g-l-y don’t let it get in the way of love!
@Amy – jealousy IS ugly, isn’t it??? Good luck, dear! I’ve found it’s helpful to reframe the envy as gratitude that our partners are so involved in our lives!
Hi Erin,
I am not a momma yet. I’m actually a week away from being a bride! But I wanted to share a little something. I am an only child and the epitome of a Daddy’s girl. My mom to this day is still jealous of mine and my dad’s relationship, but as I’ve grown older I’ve personally seen the tables turn. I find myself running to my mom with personal problems and all the hard stuff. She was there for boys, and clothes, and friend troubles. She also was good at secrets and I felt so safe with her for those things. Although we didn’t have movie dates and she wasn’t always able to make it to my games or recitals, she still helped me prep for everything and was there to tuck me in and help me get ready in the morning. She was always the one who cuddled me when I was sick. She was so compassionate and set the example of the woman I want to be. Dad is so much fun and spontaneous and always had the treats. But planning my wedding my mom has been my right hand man (lady). I hope this helps a little. The deep relationship a daughter has with her mother is equal to that fun that you see them having, just in a different way. You’ll find your groove. She adores you, i’m sure. She sure shows it in her pictures!
J
OMG Jayme – what an insightful perspective! Thank you for sharing that, and you’re right – there will be times when my organizational skills will come in handy (wedding planning! yes!).
Thank you so much, Jayme, and congrats in advance! I wish you a beautiful ceremony!!!
we actually have the opposite situation at my house. we have a one month old baby girl, and she prefers me. she still adores my husband, but i’m the one who calms her down in an instant and the one who can get her to smile any time. a week or two ago, my husband admitted that, while he LOVES watching the two of us together, he gets a little jealous that she seems to prefer me and that i have the special touch with her. it seems super normal with first-time parents. everything is such a big change and adjustment, and you just have no idea what to expect going into the whole thing. i’m sure i’ll have my jealous moments down the road when she becomes a tried and true daddy’s girl. i gotta enjoy this time as the favorite now before it’s gone!!
@Jasmine – That’s such an interesting perspective, Jasmine! Thank you for sharing! And yes, you’re so right – enjoying the moment seems to be key for a lot of things these days.
Hugs to you – congrats on your 1 month old!
p.s. being the favorite has actually been a huge surprise to me. i totally thought that cecily would prefer my husband right out of the womb. i have to admit it makes me feel REALLY good, so i know i’d be jealous if the roles were reversed.